My Best Friend In Times Of Trouble!!

Gotta Love that MGD!!!.....Try not to hang out with it too much...Tends to be a fair weather friend..But when I feel shitty about myself... Well.. its the best fuckin' friend in the world.. justifies all my angst!!!
Love You!!..MGD!..Thanx!

I LIKE PIZZA!! I LIKE IT ALOT...Steve

Was feelin' kind of bored..you know, just randomly skipping around to different web pages. Looking for who knows what! Then along came Andy @ Pizzaholic ! Not too much content yet, but what's there so far is enough to send a drool string down the side of my chin. Hello Cheddar Cheese Bacon pizza!! and Good-Bye burgers..I'm grillin' PIZZA!!!
Keep it comin' Andy!!

SMILING THRU THE PAIN!!

Some things just can't help but make ME smile. Lately I've been so focused on what's wrong in my life (like hurt, betrayal, anger, bitterness etc.., put it this way, nothin' good)that I wasn't seeing all the good things that I have to be thankful for. Couldn't seem to find my way out of that black cloud that was so thick I could barely breathe. I was letting the callous incasing my heart to harden a little more each day. Who wouldn't want revenge! Give back some of the pain on those who have caused so much. HELL YEAH!! But that would accomplish what? I gotta be better than that! Cuz at the end of the day......I still gotta look at me in the mirror. Can't lower myself to the tactics and actions of those who have me in the state I'm in. It's those very tactics and actions that I despise. Can't understand why people feel compelled to treat others in the way they do... Maybe when they look in the mirror they only see what they want to see. Not the true image, but the one their minds eye has created for them...
Anyways, I digress! I know(there goes that silent K again) that my brother Steve might hate my Honda Accord. Infact he has probably given it a few new names that I better not(no silent K) repeat. But I think I might start callin' it "GLB"(Gods little blessing). In Steve's defense, the honda did have some very frustrating shit going on with it. He's had that car apart a few times to say the least!! Water pump, head gasket...warped head..etc..! That's a lot of work if you know(.....K....) what I mean! Soooo anyways...he calls me on Friday and says I can come and pick it up cuz he's just about got it all back together....KOOL!!! I had company though, so I was gonna get it on Saturday.
Get a call Sat. morning from Steve sayin'...."Don't come pick up your car cuz I don't know whats wrong with it, but it's not right"."It's blowing water out of the exhaust, so it might have a cracked block" So I'm thinking to myself. " How much more crap am I supposed to take"? Without a car I can't get to work, can't catch back up finacially if I got to have a new engine put in that BLASTED (I was calling it names at the time too) Honda!! God!!! I can't handle no more!! I felt like dying. Gary had to leave for work, so I figured I'd just spend the day on my computer posting and what not(..never mind). That's when it hit me...Instead of posting all this negative crap I've got going on in my head...why don't I post about something good. Like how blessed I am to have my family(my Loganville family that is) around. That I DO have people in my life who are givers..not users. That there are people in my life who LOVE me and actually care about what happens to me or how I might feel..
So I started looking thru my pictures of my family for some happy ones to post....I wasn't gonna be bitter anymore.....
The phone rings at that moment and I hear Steve say"Come get your car, it seems to be okay"
I felt like the Grinch, cuz my heart grew 10 times ! Call it what you will, but I like to refer to it as "Divine Intervention". Even if God didn't take it all away at once...He gave me a whole box of bandaids and even told me where I needed them most. Right on the places on my heart where He cut away some of that callous.
Thank you to Steve, Mom, Kathaleen, Mike, both nephews(Steve & John) and Farley(he makes me laugh)!!
Special thanx to the Honda!! If it hadn't broken down the second time....well who knows???!!!

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

Thank you to all the men and women who have, are and will sacrifice their lives to keep us a free nation!!!

GOT NEW ATTITUDE!!!!

Some people go thru life makin' the same old mistakes, over and over again, with no apparent reason. Dumb Asses!! I on the other hand, have a very apparent reason. So at least I'm a Dumb Ass with a damn good reason.
Unfortunately for some I'm also a Dumb Ass with a new attitude. Maybe I'm not so dumb afterall. How ya' likin me now Moe????




GRRRRRRR!!!!!

Whats Love Got To Do With It? EVERYTHING!!

My first post..Hmmmmmm...thought long and hard about what to write. Heck it's taken me a month just trying to figure out how to get this far on my blog. So Yeah! Really!, I've had awhile to think about it. Wanted to be pithy, intelligent, political, witty and all of those other things that I read so often in others blogs. But alas, I'm just a little, squeaky, micro-blog so I guess I'll just post something thats been on my mind for awhile. Something really of no interest or importance to anyone. I mean come on, what are the odds of anyone actually reading this anyways? So here goes..
A letter to my son,
Each day that passes, bringing the holiday closer, a fresh pain stabs my heart that has yet to mend. As I fall asleep each night and awaken each morning, I wonder when the tears will stop flowing. Why do I continue to relive in my heart, my mind and my soul, the sheer agony(Yes, sheer agony actually exists) I felt on September 27,2005. The day I got a distressful phone call at work. A phone call that thrust my heart into my throat and filled me with confused panic. A phone call that had me rushing to get home, racing up the road, only to see a driveway void of that which I longed to see most. That which I love more than life itself. In that one moment my world fell apart. I realized that my good-byes were to fall upon deaf ears. That kisses and hugs were not to be given or received. No parting gifts. Just an empty despair that brought me to my knees and the question that continues to haunt me, "What did I do so wrong, to be so wronged"? When will that silent scream that filled my entire being that day, subside to a whispher? When will the part of me that died that day, be given new life? And when will the joy I once felt, the hope I once knew, ever return to fill up this hollow shell of this person that once was?
I thought for a little while that healing had begun. That hope would return. That joy was back in my life. I was actually beginning to believe that maybe I was loved. Maybe I was appreciated. Maybe I was a human being in the eyes of my son. But now I realize that maybe I was wrong. So shame on me! I've allowed my love for others to hurt me again. Yeah, and maybe the first cut is the deepest, but the second one doesn't feel to good either!! Am I so desperate to want my son's love that I will continue to be hurt and used over and over again? I guess I deserve what I've allowed. What a pitiful, sad and lonely person it is, who does not feel loved by those whom they love the most And it most surely is in the most pitiful, sad and lonely state that one does exsist. And it most surely SUCKS!!
You said I could talk to the kids whenever I wanted to. You encouraged me to call and talk to Michelle when ever I wanted to. You said you would call me at least once a week. You said alot of things! How can I talk to my grandchildren when you don't call me(collect as I have offered to you many times)? How can I talk to my grandchildren when you won't answer the phone. How can I talk to anyone when your in the process of avoiding me?
At what cost is your selfishness to continue? To the expense of anothers feelings? So it would seem. Your inability to care for others more than yourself leaves me cold. It is a quality you have failed to obtain and I pray someday you will. It is this unconditional love which has brought me so much pain. A pain I hope you will never have to experience from your own children. But yet through this all it brings a deeper understanding of the Love God has for me. The pain I must give to Him daily. Yet He continues to Love me. And this Love brought Jesus to the Cross. I also pray that one day you will crawl out of yourself and your guilt, long enough to realize that it's not what you can get out of life that counts, but more, what you put into life that really matters. Because at the end of the day it will be what you have put into your life that will determine what you receive at the end of your life. To be more precise... you reap what you sow. Remember that as you break that mold that I tried to set for you. Say what you will, but even thru mistakes I've made, I was a good mother and still am a good mother to you and your brother. It is you who has chosen the path you are on. Who is the potter of this new mold you are making?
As I end this letter to you I already feel lighter than when it began. My therapy is my words that have been bottled up. The words that if spoken are met with scorn and accusations. My keyboard judgeth not and for that I am grateful.
I love you and your brother so much! If possible, too much! So unless I walk away from the hurt and the bullshit you both continue to feed me, I will never be whole again. I will be of no use to anyone. Especially my God, my Lord and Savior. And that would be of no use to me, now would it?

I will love you always,
Mom